20. Wrapping Up the Semester

For our 20th post, we've been asked to write an evaluative conclusion about the semester. So that's what I'm going to do. But first of all, I just wanted to say how much fun this semester has been. I wasn't expecting very much out of this class, but what I was expecting was a whole lot of boring writing, and writing, and writing. It turned out that there was indeed a lot of writing, but it wan not boring at all. We were given the opportunity to make it fun and interesting for ourselves.

I loved writing our big papers that we had to do, because I got to choose the topic and because I got to make it how I wanted. This class has made my perspective of writing different. I didn't think that would be possible, but apparently it is. Instead of viewing a paper as something that the professor wants me to write about, I can now see it as a subject that the professor wants, but then I get to choose the style that I want to write. 

Writing a paper isn't just about getting the facts, or using the proper citations, but rather it is also about making the paper alive. It is important to make it interesting, and chances are, if it's the least bit interesting for the writer, then the writer will put extra excitement or entertainment into the paper, making it fun for those who read it as well. If the writer wants to make a good paper, they can make a good paper. It's all about the perspective. With a bright perspective on the paper, bright ideas will be extracted from the brain, through the hand, and onto the paper or screen used to make it. 

Yeah of course not every paper is going to be the most fun (especially if you need to write about 11 different things in one day), but if you actually make an effort to put effort into the writings, then magical things can happen. If you write about things close to your heart, how can you not put in effort into writing? As a conclusion, I just want to say, make it important to you. Make the paper meaningful to you on a personal level. Growing up, a mentor once told me, "You're an adult once your expectations of yourself are higher than the expectations that others have of you." 

If I had to wrap up everything that I learned this semester into one piece of advice, I would say, be a responsible adult, and try your hardest in everything you're asked to do, and even in everything you're not asked to do. If you do that, there will be so much more to enjoy out of life. If you do that, you can make writing papers a fun thing to do. 

19. Healing at Bethesda

Recently, I've had the chance to go to the Museum of Art and look around at a few paintings. One that had a profound impact on me was Christ's healing at the pool of Bethesda. This experience was a rather special one for me. I went with a really close friend of mine. I wasn’t expecting much of an experience at the MOA since I'm not very big into art.  Honestly I wasn’t expecting to be there for any more than 30 minutes. We ended up staying there for about an hour, at that one painting alone. My friend and I got into a deep and serious discussion. We talked about how this painting made us want to become better and be leaders for others that have seemed to strayed off the path a little. I realized that I felt very much like the man to the right of the man being healed by Jesus.

This feeling came for several reasons. First of all, I noticed that he too seemed sick, yet was not being healed. Furthermore, it seemed that he wasn’t even noticed by anyone else in the environment. This is how I felt at the time. I felt that I was in need of a healing, yet I felt the Lord had never glanced in my direction to heal me. I came to tears from this experience. By the way, I abhor crying, and am deeply embarrassed when I do. But back to the point, I wanted so badly for him to heal me, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I have had problems with these things for quite some time now, and I finally found myself begging to the Lord. I found myself being humbled, like so many other times in my life, but from this experience. My pride had been stripped from me.

In the painting, Christ is portrayed healing the sick man. This appears to be through an invitation to rise. It is through the priesthood that this healing is able to occur. It is through His grace that we are saved. He invites us all to partake in His healing power. In the painting there are disapproving looks. Often time, we too may get those same looks as we pause to help and lift another, and it always seems to be someone that none associates with when they give these looks. Sometimes, doing the right thing isn’t always what people think is popular, but through Christ’s example shown in the painting, we know that it may be the most loving thing we can do. I really love this painting and how it helps put an image to the historical event of Christ’s healing at the pool in Bethesda.

This one experience has helped me see that I am not ignored. The Savior has not left me, but rather, He has put His trust in me, believing that I can get up by myself. He knows that I have the strength to lift up and keep moving forward. Yes, I won't be able to heal myself, but if I put my effort into getting up by myself, then He will do the rest. Then He will heal me of my faults. Like the man at Bethesda, the Savior can heal me and save me. As long as I trust in Him, and as long as I believe Christ.

18. Believing Christ

This past month, I have had the opportunity to read the Book entitled, "Believing Christ" which was written by Stephen E. Robinson. Brother Robinson has been a bishop and other important figures in the church. Over time, he has come to realize that just about everyone who goes into the bishop's office with doubts or struggles all have one thing in common. They don't believe Christ.

Before you stop reading here thinking that he doesn't know what he's talking about, hear me out. OF course the person going into the office must believe in Christ, otherwise they wouldn't even bother going to talk to the bishop. I agree with that statement there but my point is still valid. One can believe in Christ, but not believe Christ. One can believe that He lived, died, then lived again. One can believe that Christ atoned for the sins of the world. What we often don't understand is how His atonement can cover our sins on a personal level.

Too many times we make mistakes. Too many times we feel that we fall lower than can be helped. I too have been guilty of this. I sometimes can't understand how someone so perfect can accept anything less than perfect from us. And that is exactly the case. Something imperfect can't be accepted by God. He declared that no unclean thing can enter into His presence. But if this is the case, then how can we believe it when we are told that we can be saved, being the wretched people that we are?

This is where the atonement kicks in. If you're wondering how you can be saved, then you're likely already humbled, meaning you have a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which is ripe for being saved. At this point, all you have to do is depend and believe Christ when he says that He can save you. He has descended below all things, even lower than any one of us has sunk ever before. Of course there have been times in my life in which I have not felt nearly important or righteous enough to be able to receive blessings from on high, but I always remember who I am. One thing that I discovered from this book is that God wants each one of us to be perfect, but knows that it will be Christ’s sacrifice of His perfection that will make up for all of our imperfections.

Our Father in Heaven is that; He is our Father. But He is also our God. We must see Him as both. A perfect God expects perfection out of His people and He really does demand it. We are commanded to be perfect. But He is also our Father, and has offered a way in which we might be able to become perfected. Often time there may seem like there is no way in which we can become perfect. But I testify along with so many others that Christ makes all the difference. His Grace saves. Through Christ, we can come unto the Father. 

17. Always Back to the PB&J

Here at BYU, I rarely have time to focus on things that I use to take up so much time with back home. At BYU, I always have to be at class, doing my homework, working out, socializing, going to work, or sleeping. There is hardly ever any time for anything else. I found that I barely have enough time for food. I routinely get a Subway footlong every day, using my Employee Meal Card allowing me to eat anywhere on campus for half the price.

One footlong from Subway isn't enough to feed me every day. I'm a pretty big boy, and big boys have to eat! Seeing that I have little time for anything else, I rarely find any time to fix myself a nice, homely meal. Back during the summer semester, I practically lived off of ramen noodles. Shortly before summer semester ended, I ran out. I ran out of my source of food! I had no idea what to do, so I resorted to finishing off all of my cereal so I could delay my decision. I eventually ran out of all my food before I needed an intervention. 

I had to go shopping. I just had to get some groceries. But what in the world did I know how to cook!? Then I realized that I didn't even need to cook anything. The Creamery sold, bread, peanut butter, and jelly. I sure did love me some peanut butter! I decided to try it! Man oh man, I sure did love those toasted PB&J's! I just couldn't ever seem to get enough of them! I devoured my food, going through it like it would go through a garbage disposal. There were even several days which I went through an entire loaf of bread, all for the sake of making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 

I eventually realized that this went through my money faster than it did when I went to Subway daily. I decided that I would have to give up the PB&J's, no matter how much I craved them. So I finished the last of my PB&J supplies, expecting to never give in to the evil temptation again. Little did I know, it would only be three short weeks until I decided to try the PB&J's again. It was a bad idea. I ended up spending over $30 just for the materials to make the sandwiches in less than three days! I realized that I would never be able to escape its temptation. 

Now I'm back to the sandwiches again. I will never escape them, but I will always come back to them. They are just too delicious to ever give up. Even if I wanted to give them up, I wouldn't because they are just too delicious to me. If it weren't for them, I would not have lasted this semester and live to tell the tale. 

16. Silver Lining in the Clouds of Our Storms

Back to the knee injury again. I know I'm writing so much about this event, but it is one event that changed my life forever. Many people grow gradually, but some have one specific event that defines them. It becomes them. This event is the crowning moment of my life. Personally, it was so hard to go through what I went through. It changed the future for me in a way that I could have never foreseen. This one moment was the appropriate activation energy that I needed to push me forward and fix my life. 

I remember once being told that there is something good hidden in even the worst events. For quite the time I didn't see how this could be true. My life was ruined wasn't it? No one could see the blessing in this trial of mine. One day I was going through my physical therapy routines while listening to Elder Holland speaking when I heard him say this:

“Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed.” 

 This really hit home to me. I realized that everything was part of God's plan. He let this happen to me so that I could fully put my trust in Him, knowing that whatever happened, it would be for the best. But then I thought about my mission, which my injury would delay for about 7 months. Why would He want that to happen? Doesn't He need me out there in the mission field? I knew I was ready to go! I was ready to go a whole year before that point. Then I realized that maybe I needed to be even better. Maybe I needed even more knowledge than I already had. 

At this point I realized that I would be allowed to go to a semester and a half of college at BYU before I would go on my mission. This would give me even more time to prepare, learn, and grow as much as I could. I began to push my recovery for my knee. Slowly, I became more independent. I started working out, doing P90X. At first, this took quite the toll on my knee, but I recovered quickly and I pushed forward. I wouldn't give up for anything. 

Now I'm at the point of almost finishing the fall semester at BYU. I have come so far and have changed so much. Most of my recovery has been away from home, which I personally have found very fun. When I visited home a little while ago, my mother could barely recognize my personality because I had changed so much. She told me that she was proud of what I have become, of who I have become. These were the words that I have always wanted to hear from my mother. 

This was the silver lining on my clouds. Sure it took a long time to realize it, but what I had thought was the worst experience of my life, had truly been the best thing of my life. I no longer have to look in a mirror and be ashamed of what I see, but rather I can look and see what my mother sees. She is proud of me, and that is all that matters to me. I have become what she has always wanted me to become, all because of what I had been angry at God for casting upon me. Now, I can always find the silver lining on the clouds of every storm that comes my way. 

15. Lesson Learned

Senior Year of High School is supposed to be the best year of high school. It is time to take it easy and relax from the schoolwork because you already have it all figured out. You have it in the bag so there is nothing to worry about, right? That's how it is for almost everyone. For me, it seemed to be the opposite, but for unexpected reasons.

The first half of my senior year, I wasn't making the greatest choices. I was spending too much time with the wrong people, making some pretty unintelligent things. It went against everything that I knew, everything that I was taught. I was too scared to ever admit it to anyone. Yeah I wanted to be a little bit of a rebel, but I never imagined that it would go as far as it did. I finally admitted all of my mistakes to my parents at the end of the year. As a result, they isolated me from the thing that I cared about most for a month. They took the one thing that I knew would help me most through my trial.

I had to survive the whole month of January all by myself. It was emotionally agonizing. I didn't think I could survive it, but I endured. February, things got much better. I began to have fun again and I was allowed the thing that I wanted most again. I began to treasure it, because living without it was so hard. But then the worst luck happened and I blew out my knee. I was doomed to crutches for the next 88 days. Exercising was my life, more specifically, basketball. I would not be able to live without it for that long.

Every night, I would go to bed angry at God for doing this to me. I remembered a time when I would be dumbfounded when I saw others angry at God, wondering how they could blame and even hate the very being that created them. I was now caught in my own question. I understood it now. Every day, I would have to walk into the school with my two crutches, slipping on almost every step of the way due to the ice and slush that encompassed the winter ground. I could hear the snickers come from the mouths of my classmates as they saw their star basketball player struggle to get to his next class. It was amusing for them! I couldn't believe it! I was furious!

As time went on, I became more and more grateful for my leg that still functioned properly. I began to appreciate everything that had always worked perfectly fine for me. I then realized that I had been so prideful! I was so selfish, demanding answers from my Creator as to why these things happened to me! How could I be so evil? How could I give in to the powerful deceits of the devil? But what I did realize was that I did give in. I told myself then and there that I would never succumb to the devil's temptations again. Never again would I question God because that was one lesson learned that I would never want to learn again.

14. Last Day Ever

People are curious creatures. They always want to know more about something. It could be anything from astronomy to hydrology to anything about another human being. Often, people are curious about the latter thing listed. Recently I was asked the question, "If you only had one day to live, how would you spend it?" I had to think really long and really hard about this question. I wasn't quite sure if I would want to do something extreme, or something soft and quiet. After a couple days of pondering, I finally figured it out. 

If I had 24 hours to live, I would want to live. Yes, that may sound very vague at first, but it is the most descriptive phrase that I can manner to think to say it! I would want to experience everything needed in a life. Not necessarily every experience, such as skydiving, or even making a bon fire, but more mentally. We all have emotions as a part of being human. It's a part of life. I would want to experience every emotion in my last day. 

You may say, "Well what about anger or hatred? Surely you wouldn't want to feel those!" I would reply in agreement. We can truly only know the good emotions that we have, if we have felt the negative side of those same emotions. With love there is hatred. With happiness there is sadness. The way I see it, you can truly only know what it is like to love, if you know what it is like to hate. Maybe not quite hate, as you would see in a movie, where the antagonist wants to beat the protagonist to a pulp, but hate in the manner of being exceedingly jealous or something like that. 

I have already experienced what it is like to be jealous, I have already experienced excruciating pain and sorrow. I know what it is like to fall, and not want to get back up. But it's because of these things that I can know what it is like to have fun, be happy, and love. On my last day, I want to experience every good emotion there is in living. I want to truly live. 

I would start off my day in service for others. I would wander around with a giant smile on my face, trying to make everyone around me smile. I love making people smile and be happy. I have not found much else in life that makes me happier than giving out charity to others. Next, I would go see my family and spend some time with them. I wouldn't necessarily want to do anything with them, but rather I would reminisce with them about past memories, for when a memory is discussed, it is also relived. By doing these two things, I would have experienced every good emotion. Charity, love, happiness, joy, selflessness, gratitude, etc. Those two things encompass my whole life. 

I was once told, "If today was your last day to live, would you be doing what you're doing right now?" This one question has changed my whole life. I no longer spend time wasting my time with trivial matters such as video games, Twitter, or other pointless activities. I now live everyday like I would want to live my last. I can honestly say that if I died right now, I would have no regrets. 

13. Surgery Upon Surgery, Pain Upon Pain

A couple posts ago, I posted about the worst luck that I've ever had in basketball. Indeed my luck was awful, and yes it was quite a horrible experience, but in the end, it turned out that it extended even further than I described. For the first few months after the injury, I often questioned to myself, "Why would something so terrible happen to me?" I even thought things like, "This stupid injury ruined my entire life!" 

A couple days after my injury, I was able to go in to the doctor's office and figure out what exactly I did to myself. My trainer had said that the injury was a tear to the meniscus. She was only slightly right. There was much more to it than that. It turned out that I tore my meniscus, MCL, FCL, LCL, and a chunk of cartilage off of my femur, about the size of a quarter. I would undoubtably need surgery. This became scheduled for the same day as my end of season basketball banquet. 

March 17th, 18 days after my injury, I finally got surgery. The process they underwent was this: they cleaned out all of the floating garbage in-between my kneecap and the bone behind it, then they transferred a piece of cartilage from the upper-left part of my knee to the place that it was torn off. They did all of this in a matter of two hours. When I finally woke up from the anesthesia, I felt like a million bucks. My left leg (the one that was injured) felt like it had been extended and everything else felt tingly due to the Percocet that they had given me for the pain. 

By the time I finally got home, I felt awful. I needed to puke; I never felt so sick in my entire life. Every time that I was on the Percocet, I became nauseous which I personally thought was worse than just dealing with the pain in my knee, so I stopped taking it. Eight days later, I was scheduled to get my wisdom teeth taken out. When I finally went through that, I once again felt like Superman. I felt like I could fly! I was so loopy after this dose of anesthesia that my parents decided to record every embarrassing word that I said. 

A couple hours after I got home, the pain hit me. All four of my wisdom teeth had developed four roots each. That means they had to dig down deeper than they do for most wisdom teeth removal surgeries. It felt like the holes in my mouth went to the back of my head. The pain grew slowly and slowly until I couldn't bear it anymore. The ibuprofen that they had given me wasn't doing enough. I grabbed the medicine off my desk and popped a Percocet into my mouth. That was the worst thing I could have done. 

When I swallowed the drugs, my body couldn't take it anymore. The excruciating pain enveloped my whole body. The pain from my mouth reached around my whole head, the pain in my knee grew down to my toes and up to my chest. My fingers began to tingle and my stomach began to tremble. The medicine didn't help the pain at all, but rather it made me feel more sick than I had ever felt in my entire life. Every inch of my body hurt to the marrow of my bones. Eventually the pain calmed down enough to breath normally, but needless to say, I never took another Percocet. The pain upon pain that it brought just was not worth it. 

12. Worst Movie Ever

My family is big into movies. On any given weekend you can find my parents, and siblings, all sitting on the couch watching the latest Redbox release. And what is a movie without popcorn? We always have popcorn, lots and lots of it. My dad has become quite the expert popcorn popper. So on this particular night everything was going great. All my family, cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all gathered around the television, with lots of popcorn of course, to watch a new movie. It wasn’t just any movie. It was a movie my uncle Darin had suggest we watch. He said it was a “must see.” I am here to tell you now that it is not a “must see”. 

We love movies like Nacho Libre and School of Rock, which happen to have a common factor. Jack Black is the main character. When we picked up the “must see” movie, Bernie, we were thrilled to find out that the main character was in fact, the amazingly talented and hilarious, Jack Black. The movie starts out and we are all expecting a comedy. Yeah maybe Bernie technically is called a “black comedy”, but no one in my family laughed the whole entire way through the movie. 

In Bernie, Jack Black does not play a crazy substitute teacher, or a hilarious Catholic priest. He plays a middle aged, single, mortician named Bernie. He lives in a small town in Texas where everyone in the community loves him. He does so much service doing things like singing at church and teaching Sunday school. If anyone needs help with anything, they call Bernie. That doesn’t sound so bad does it? But it was. The mood that was given off by the movie was odd to say the least. Every situation felt awkward, and the lack of funny events was disappointing. But that was only the beginning. 

The movie started to become extremely weird when Bernie started to befriend this old, widowed woman. She was rich, mean, and very demanding. Bernie was probably the only person in the world that could put up with her. The thought of that is nice, but their relationship scared me. They did everything together and he basically became her slave. I couldn’t tell if there was some romance going on, or if he was just completely sucked into her demanding ways. 

After months had gone by, in the movie, you could tell that Bernie was done putting up with her. She treated him so terribly but expected him to do everything for her. So one day he shot her, and put her in the meat freezer.  He continued to live like nothing was wrong. He used her money to give to people in need. When people would ask about her he would just make up excuses. Until one day the woman’s stockbroker finally figured out that something was up. The woman was found and Bernie was charged with first-degree murder. That was an unexpected twist that no one in my family was expecting.

At the end of the movie something terrible is made known to you. The movie was based on a true story. It showed pictures and videos of the real Bernie in jail. Everyone in the room just looked around at each other in silence. We had no clue what we had just watched. But now I know. I had just watched the worst movie ever.

11. The Worst Luck of Basketball

It was nine months ago when everything changed. It happened on February 27th, the day the worst, yet also the best, thing happened to me. We were all on the bus headed to Ralston Valley High School in Highland Ranch, Colorado. It was silent; we were all thinking to ourselves. This game would determine if we would continue further into the playoffs or if it would be the very last high school basketball game that I ever played. I wasn't too worried because I knew that we could win. The only reason that Ralston Valley was in the playoffs was because they had a couple players that were 6 foot 11 inches tall. Although they were tall they lacked the skill set and the strength to go up against our team. 

I was our starting power forward and being the tallest one on our team, I was designated to guard the tall guys. I knew it would be easy; I remembered holding my own against Highland Ranch High School where they had a guy just as tall, but much better in terms of skill set and strength. I was the captain on our team, I was the leader. This time, with me playing defense against the tall guys, I knew we would pull out the W. I would not let my team down. 

We started off the game strong, making several baskets before Ralston Valley could score. We did well enough to the point where we were winning at the end of the first quarter. Before I know it, I've played for all ten minutes of the game when our coach finally calls a timeout. They had just scored several times without us making any points. They now had the lead and our coach was furious. We proceeded with the game and I decided to take the initiative. I caught the ball from our point guard and drove to the left, passing my defender. Just before I got to the basket, I got cut off by another defender. His foot hit mine, stopping my leg with an instantaneous jerk. My leg bent slightly sideways and I fell to the group in agony. I couldn't even move my leg!

I lay there for a moment as the defender tried to help lift me up, but I couldn't move. I was petrified by the pain. I could feel hundreds of knives stabbing into my knee from every angle. Our team's personal trainer came over, ran through some quick tests then helped me walk one legged to the training room. She examined my knee more and came to the conclusion that I tore my meniscus. I was devastated. That meant that I could not finish the game! I wouldn't be able to defend the twin towers! My team might lose because of my stupid injury! 

I could hear the buzzer go off, signifying the end of the half. I received a pair of crutches and walked to the locker room where my teammates were getting lectured once again. Through the course of the rest of the game, we slowly got beat more and more. By the end of the game, we lost by 16 points. I had the worst luck when it came to basketball. I let my team down, and would not forgive myself anytime in the near future. I knew it really wasn't my fault that my knee blew out, but I did know that that was the last high school basketball game that I would ever play. That was the worst luck I had ever in my life, because I would never have another chance to have worse luck than what had just happened. It was all over. Little did I know, it would turn out to be a blessing. 

10. Bill and the Boots

This last Friday night was my Eagle Scout Court of Honor. Two of my brothers were present with their families, along with my very own parents. Also present, were several of my young men's leaders from my youth back when I use to live in Colorado Springs. I looked up to them as I grew up, always wanting to follow their example. Seeing them there, so proud of my achievements, made me happier than so many other things in life. I can remember their smiles that they gave me as I sat on the stand along with members of the BSA counsel. These smiles will be hard to forget.

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Since the Court of Honor was in celebration of my Eagle Scout Award, I was able to choose two mentors that would receive the mentors pins that I was to hand out. The first one I naturally gave to my dad. He was always there by my side making sure that I did everything that I needed, exactly how I needed to do it. He always had faith in me, knowing that I would be able to achieve the Award. I didn't want to let him down by not reaching my potential, by not earning my Eagle. I could not, and I would not, let my father down.

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The other mentor pin that I gave out, went to a man by the name of Bill Sampson. He is quite the guy, towering above everyone at a height of 6 feet and 6 inches or so. Furthermore, if I had to guess, I would say he is about 300 pounds. His voice is the deepest voice of anyone I have ever heard. I'm pretty sure his natural tone hits a pitch of a low B. He also had these boots, boots that you could hear from across the hallway. These boots had sharp points that could cut your eyes just looking at them. But anyway, you get the picture, right? This guy is the most intimidating man on this planet. Furthermore, he happens to be the scoutmaster of my troop.

Ever since I started my scouting experience, this guy has been there, leading and guiding me to make sure I achieve the highest rank. He was there pushing me forward, always being bold. Eventually, he was the one that every teenage boy became scared of. This was because, if we ever became slacking in our efforts toward our Eagle Scout, big Bill would threaten us by saying he would give us "the boot." That was more than enough motivation for us to keep pushing forward seeing that his boots could kill. In the end, he was the real reason that I had the fortitude to keep trying until I finally won and earned my Eagle. Thus, I gave Bill, my second mentor pin. I would not have been able to do it without him. 

9. Friday at Home

This Thanksgiving, we were given a few days to relax from our school work and daily lives. Most of the students on campus were given the opportunity to go to their respective homes, which most of the people took, myself included. I traveled on Wednesday and got home late at night. The next day was Thanksgiving, and the day after was the day that my family always decides to set up the Christmas decorations. That means I got to wake up very early in the morning to help decorate! I would say that I love to decorate, but that would mean that I am lying.

We started with the Christmas tree. This has honestly been the one decoration that I actually do like to do. Afterwards we did the lights, which can get a little nerve-racking for me. I'm not one to be scared very often, but one thing that does scare me is heights. When I look downward from a high location, the view seems to warp left to right, then in a circle. My depth perception gets hindered as I peer to heights much beneath the depth of my feet. If I stare for too long, then I often get disoriented and even dizzy. Since I can stumble when I am dizzy or disoriented, I have the possibility of falling down the steep edge. This is why I am not too fond of heights.

Anyway, back to the story at hand, I found myself at the top of a ladder leaning against the roof of our three story house. The base of the ladder was on a pile of rocks which was slightly slanted. The angle of the ladder from the ground was approximately 65 degrees or so, making it an angle that is less than the recommended angle. So even at this point, I am a bit skeptical about the safety of the placement of the ladder, let alone being at the top of that very same ladder. In the end, I slowly grew more and more comfortable with the heights and did my work faster and faster. It actually ended up being fun for me, especially since I got to do it with my father.

After helping my parents with all the things that they needed from me, I got dressed up to look reasonably exceptional. I then proceeded to the church building where there were several of my friends waiting for me. They were all there for my Court of Honor for my Eagle Scout Award. It was finally here. I had already achieved the rank but it hadn't been celebrated yet. I was so happy to see my friends, family, and mentors there. They were there for me, which I was extremely grateful for. It was nice for me to know that I still had friends where I had been away from for so many months.

8. Thanksgiving Day!

Thanksgiving is finally here! I was looking forward to this holiday more than any other this year so far for plenty of reasons. But the main one was of course because I got to go home. Last night I flew in to Denver where my parents picked me up with Andrew, my brother, and Morgan, his wife. It was so awesome to see them again! I missed them all so much, but mostly my dear mom. We proceeded onto the path to the Cheesecake Factory where we had a Thanksgiving dinner with Andrew and Morgan since they would not be able to spend time with our side of the family due to Morgan's family's requests to keep them on the actual holiday.

Dinner was amazing though. I had the four cheese pasta which was divine. I am enchanted by explosions of cheese in pastas. But back to the story, we were all able to catch up a bit since I hadn't seen my brother in about half a year. Morgan had recently graduated from BYU so they moved on to medical school for Andrew in Denver. But for dessert I had Adam's Peanut Butter Cup Fudge Cake Cheesecake. This slice of cheesecake was easily the best dessert I had eaten in the longest time. But by the end of dinner, my stomach couldn't take an ounce of food more. I was bloated, but it was well worth the pain.


On the way back home, I fell asleep in the car until we finally got back to my house. I had missed the look of its majesty so much! But at the end of the day I decided to hit up the Squad and hang out over some 2K14. We all caught up and even reminisced a bit about the old days. One of them had a beard the size of Mt. Everest that he decided to grow out for No Shave November. If I hadn't known him for the past 12 years, I would have been intimidated. But at midnight we all wished Grant a happy birthday! That was really fun because this year it happens to land on Thanksgiving!

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Thanksgiving day I was able to help my dad pick up the truck from the shop and afterwards go to volleyball with two of my brothers and their families. I missed playing volleyball with them! I even had a couple really good spikes! But my brothers also played a little bit of basketball with me which was nice because that is easily my favorite thing to do ever! But later we all showered, cooked a bit, and got ready for the big dinner. The preparation for turned out to be a catastrophe! The turkey was overcooked, we didn't have stuffing or corn, and blood was drawn from the dishes. In the end though it was a fantastic meal and the memories formed would last a while. This Thanksgiving did not disappoint in the least.

7. God, What’s Your Purpose This Time?

            It’s the biggest game of the season. All four bleachers are overflowing with hundreds of students and family members screaming and cheering. The atmosphere at the biggest high school rivalry game in the city can get so loud and emotional that it is usually hard to hear yourself think. I hear taunts from the opposing fan sections as I glance at them, just before the referee steps into the circle to toss the ball. For a moment, all the noise soaring through the air around me shuts off. I can only hear the sound of my breath accelerating as I get ready to jump higher than I ever have before. As soon as I see the ball begin to fly upwards, I exert all of my energy onto the ground beneath my feet. The opponent in red directly across from me reaches his hand out and grasps the ball at the same instant I do. The only difference is that I pull harder. The ball releases in an explosion of energy and flies into my teammates hands.

            The game begins in a jolt. My feet start running as soon as I land. Grant, our point guard, already has the ball and is driving towards the basket. I set a screen for him and he is able to get free from his defender for just the right amount of time to pass it to Dave, our shooting guard, who was sneakily running back door. He catches the ball in midair at the same time he turns. It’s almost beautiful how he turns just enough to finesse the ball through the basket. We’re already up 2-0 and the game has barely begun.

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            The Lancers quickly try to score but fail to do so as we pull the rebound. The game proceeds generally with each team taking blows from the other team, exchanging points back and forth. Before I know it, it’s the end of the half and we’re down by six points. We grudgingly jog to our locker room as our coach destructively storms behind us. For the next ten minutes we listen to exclamations about how we need to want this game more than Liberty, the opposing school. He then declares directly to the seniors, myself included, “Do you guys really want to lose what can be the biggest game of your lives? You only have one shot at this, so don’t screw it up.” After a short while longer we then run back to the court with more courage in our blood and fire in our eyes as we prepare to fight.

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            The third quarter is a bloody battle. Two players from each side have to get checked out of the game due to elbows to their faces. Passion continues to grow as we fight for our brothers that seem to have been deliberately injured. By the end of the third, we are only down by three points, cutting the opponents lead from the end of the first half in half. We have one more quarter to either send the game into overtime, or to gain the victory. The fourth quarter continues much like the third. There are dirty plays that only get worse and worse as the referees become more and more lenient towards the ever-growing aggression.

            We start out strong, making several baskets in a row, giving us the lead in the game. We’re finally up again! We have a great chance at winning this game! The score is 50 to 46, with our team, the Eagles, in the lead. Our student section begins to chant, “I believe that we will win!” at the top of their lungs. At the sound of this, I begin to worry. I know my teammates too well. When we get cocky, our performance drops a significant amount. Since there are only two minutes left in the game, I am not too worried. But sure enough, the Lancers score six points in a row, putting them in the lead by two. There are ten seconds left and it’s our ball on the sideline. Grant catches the ball and immediately drives to the right side. I set a massive screen for Dave as he flies up from the middle. He catches the ball well behind the three-point line, just in the area that he likes it. He launches the ball up as I run forward. The ball bounces off the back iron and begins to fall. I jump up as the ball lands smoothly onto my right hand. I extend my arm forward and finesse the ball through the basket, sending the game into overtime. The crowd begins jumping up and down as they scream for me.

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            It’s all blocked out of my mind. I can’t hear a single thing as I walk back to the bench. Not a single scream for me. I get the chills as my teammates thrust themselves into my chest. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I had just tied the game, sending it into overtime! What should be the loudest moment of my life is the quietest, but I’m brought back to reality at the sound of my coach’s voice. He’s yelling to outrank the roaring crowd in volume. He quickly congratulates my play, then encourages us to keep our focus in the game, not letting our emotions get the best of us, just like it often does in situations like these.

            The next thing I know, I’m soaring through the air, once again reaching up as high as I can for the ball. The same thing as before happens, but this time, the guy in red pulls a little bit harder, making the ball go flying over both of us. Two players in white and one in red, chase after the ball before it gets to the edge of the court. My teammate gets there first and starts dribbling down the court. I shout out, “Santa Fe, Santa Fe!” signifying that we should run a certain play. We run through the cycle a single time when Grant has the opportunity to drive downward and pass to Dave, who then scores easily.

            I grin as I see that the play I called out worked for our benefit. We sprint back down the court to play defense. Their point guard drives down the court faster then everyone else on the court and puts in an easy layup. We end up scoring two baskets in a row, giving us a lead of four points. There is one minute left. I’m sure we have it in the bag. But the next thing I know, their point guard puts in an incredible jump shot. There is just no way to stop this kid! He has 28 points already and just got fouled again. He makes both his free throws and has now made seven this game. We drive down the court as fast as we can, but to no avail. There just isn’t enough time on the clock.

            Double overtime. Not the greatest thing that can happen for us. I know my team doesn’t handle pressure of this magnitude very well. It’s time for me to be the Team Captain that I’m supposed to be. I have to step up my playing level. I’ve only been off the court for four of the thirty-six minutes already transpired. I’m tired, I know, but I have to press on.

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            Once again, we’re jumping for the ball. He jumps on time while I don’t. They win this time. I chastise myself for not winning but I play defense with more energy than I’ve had all game. They score in a matter of seconds but we can’t answer it. Once again, they hit us hard, this time a three-pointer from their point guard. I get the ball as we transition to offense. I make a quick crossover and shoot the ball from behind the line. It soars straight through the basket. I raise my right arm, giving our crowd the three-finger salute, as done in the Hunger Games. They reflect my image. There is still hope—we’re only down by two points. I just made my eighth basket and 19^th point, having only shot nine times. They don’t manage to score this time around, but the menace in red steals the ball as we pass it up court. He is fouled in an instant and once again, makes both of his free throws. He has 33 points now and they’re winning by four. It seems all is lost as we press forward. Dave makes a three and the Lancers respond with an easy layup.

            We’re only down by three points and the ball is in our possession. There are only ten seconds left as we swing the ball across the top of the key. The ball reaches Dave’s hands and he shoots. He is two for three from the three tonight and we all have confidence in him. It flies through the air, but bounces off the rim. It goes off to the side just a bit too far. The tips of my fingers graze the ball as it gets deflected away and into the hands of the enemy.

            The horn sounds and it’s over. This is the fourth game in a row in which we have lost by three points or less. I can’t believe I let this one slip away. I drop my head in despair as I walk to the bench. Our crowd is silent. They can’t believe that we failed them either. Disappointment is tangible in the air around me. This time, we walk to our locker room. For the next ten minutes, I listen as my coach’s disappointed voice chastens us for our inadequate endeavors. He eventually throws up his arms and storms out. Dave kicks over a chair at the same time several others explode out of their seats. I don’t notice any of this happen. All I think is “God, what’s your purpose this time?” Tears are beginning to reach my eyes when shouts are shot across the room, blaming others for the loss.

            At the sound of antagonism against our own, I stand, flipping over a table, exclaiming, “Don’t you dare put the weight of this game on anyone else. There is a reason we are called a team.” I keep my voice from being too harsh and too loud. I’m still the Captain—I’m still the leader.

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            Grant stands with tears in his eyes saying, “Joe’s right guys. It’s on all of us.” After an hour of dread, we start leaving the room, one by one. Finally there are five left; we’re the starters of the team. Without saying a word, we all leave together. I put my arms around the others as we walk outside into the frosty air. They do they same.

            No matter how bad the loss of a game can be, we are always brothers and will always be brothers. We finally break apart and go our separate ways. We get into our cars and begin to drive away. I start my car and whisper to myself, “Thank you, I understand now,” as I drive on forward with my brothers.

6. My Journey at BYU

I'm not use to being away from my parents for so long. I've been at BYU now for about 20 weeks, away from their loving care. It's all gone by way too fast, but it's taken a lot longer than I thought it would at the same time. But while I've been gone for this long, I have had many experiences that have been so great. I've gone to a Cabin down south, been to raging football games, gone to Nickel City and Rollup, and I've even had time to go to the movies.

All these places have been really great, but one thing that I never would have expected, is the relationships that I've made with so many people. My roommates are fantastic, there is a girl here that I can't seem to stop thinking about, and the people at work are some of the most fun people I have ever met. These people have made all of my experiences here become great experiences. They have become the highlight moments of my experience.

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For the rest of the semester, which isn't very much, I plan on seeing my parents over Thanksgiving break, I plan on studying (for the first time) for my finals at the end of the semester, and I plan on going to the Canyon, in Vivian Park, to celebrate with many others over a magnificent bonfire. I plan on continuing my work experience at BYU Food to Go and going on a few more dates here and there. Mostly I just plan on having spontaneous fun!

While here, I learned something that I probably should have learned a while before I came here. I learned it's all up to me; my future depends on my actions and how responsible I am in the here and now. I broke my mom's laptop at the beginning of the semester. I had to pay over $700 to get it fixed. Let's just say that I was extremely upset. Almost every cent that I earned in the summer I had to spend to fix that laptop. At that point, I became broke. I had no money. The rest of the semester depended on how responsible I would be.