20. Wrapping Up the Semester

For our 20th post, we've been asked to write an evaluative conclusion about the semester. So that's what I'm going to do. But first of all, I just wanted to say how much fun this semester has been. I wasn't expecting very much out of this class, but what I was expecting was a whole lot of boring writing, and writing, and writing. It turned out that there was indeed a lot of writing, but it wan not boring at all. We were given the opportunity to make it fun and interesting for ourselves.

I loved writing our big papers that we had to do, because I got to choose the topic and because I got to make it how I wanted. This class has made my perspective of writing different. I didn't think that would be possible, but apparently it is. Instead of viewing a paper as something that the professor wants me to write about, I can now see it as a subject that the professor wants, but then I get to choose the style that I want to write. 

Writing a paper isn't just about getting the facts, or using the proper citations, but rather it is also about making the paper alive. It is important to make it interesting, and chances are, if it's the least bit interesting for the writer, then the writer will put extra excitement or entertainment into the paper, making it fun for those who read it as well. If the writer wants to make a good paper, they can make a good paper. It's all about the perspective. With a bright perspective on the paper, bright ideas will be extracted from the brain, through the hand, and onto the paper or screen used to make it. 

Yeah of course not every paper is going to be the most fun (especially if you need to write about 11 different things in one day), but if you actually make an effort to put effort into the writings, then magical things can happen. If you write about things close to your heart, how can you not put in effort into writing? As a conclusion, I just want to say, make it important to you. Make the paper meaningful to you on a personal level. Growing up, a mentor once told me, "You're an adult once your expectations of yourself are higher than the expectations that others have of you." 

If I had to wrap up everything that I learned this semester into one piece of advice, I would say, be a responsible adult, and try your hardest in everything you're asked to do, and even in everything you're not asked to do. If you do that, there will be so much more to enjoy out of life. If you do that, you can make writing papers a fun thing to do. 

19. Healing at Bethesda

Recently, I've had the chance to go to the Museum of Art and look around at a few paintings. One that had a profound impact on me was Christ's healing at the pool of Bethesda. This experience was a rather special one for me. I went with a really close friend of mine. I wasn’t expecting much of an experience at the MOA since I'm not very big into art.  Honestly I wasn’t expecting to be there for any more than 30 minutes. We ended up staying there for about an hour, at that one painting alone. My friend and I got into a deep and serious discussion. We talked about how this painting made us want to become better and be leaders for others that have seemed to strayed off the path a little. I realized that I felt very much like the man to the right of the man being healed by Jesus.

This feeling came for several reasons. First of all, I noticed that he too seemed sick, yet was not being healed. Furthermore, it seemed that he wasn’t even noticed by anyone else in the environment. This is how I felt at the time. I felt that I was in need of a healing, yet I felt the Lord had never glanced in my direction to heal me. I came to tears from this experience. By the way, I abhor crying, and am deeply embarrassed when I do. But back to the point, I wanted so badly for him to heal me, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I have had problems with these things for quite some time now, and I finally found myself begging to the Lord. I found myself being humbled, like so many other times in my life, but from this experience. My pride had been stripped from me.

In the painting, Christ is portrayed healing the sick man. This appears to be through an invitation to rise. It is through the priesthood that this healing is able to occur. It is through His grace that we are saved. He invites us all to partake in His healing power. In the painting there are disapproving looks. Often time, we too may get those same looks as we pause to help and lift another, and it always seems to be someone that none associates with when they give these looks. Sometimes, doing the right thing isn’t always what people think is popular, but through Christ’s example shown in the painting, we know that it may be the most loving thing we can do. I really love this painting and how it helps put an image to the historical event of Christ’s healing at the pool in Bethesda.

This one experience has helped me see that I am not ignored. The Savior has not left me, but rather, He has put His trust in me, believing that I can get up by myself. He knows that I have the strength to lift up and keep moving forward. Yes, I won't be able to heal myself, but if I put my effort into getting up by myself, then He will do the rest. Then He will heal me of my faults. Like the man at Bethesda, the Savior can heal me and save me. As long as I trust in Him, and as long as I believe Christ.

18. Believing Christ

This past month, I have had the opportunity to read the Book entitled, "Believing Christ" which was written by Stephen E. Robinson. Brother Robinson has been a bishop and other important figures in the church. Over time, he has come to realize that just about everyone who goes into the bishop's office with doubts or struggles all have one thing in common. They don't believe Christ.

Before you stop reading here thinking that he doesn't know what he's talking about, hear me out. OF course the person going into the office must believe in Christ, otherwise they wouldn't even bother going to talk to the bishop. I agree with that statement there but my point is still valid. One can believe in Christ, but not believe Christ. One can believe that He lived, died, then lived again. One can believe that Christ atoned for the sins of the world. What we often don't understand is how His atonement can cover our sins on a personal level.

Too many times we make mistakes. Too many times we feel that we fall lower than can be helped. I too have been guilty of this. I sometimes can't understand how someone so perfect can accept anything less than perfect from us. And that is exactly the case. Something imperfect can't be accepted by God. He declared that no unclean thing can enter into His presence. But if this is the case, then how can we believe it when we are told that we can be saved, being the wretched people that we are?

This is where the atonement kicks in. If you're wondering how you can be saved, then you're likely already humbled, meaning you have a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which is ripe for being saved. At this point, all you have to do is depend and believe Christ when he says that He can save you. He has descended below all things, even lower than any one of us has sunk ever before. Of course there have been times in my life in which I have not felt nearly important or righteous enough to be able to receive blessings from on high, but I always remember who I am. One thing that I discovered from this book is that God wants each one of us to be perfect, but knows that it will be Christ’s sacrifice of His perfection that will make up for all of our imperfections.

Our Father in Heaven is that; He is our Father. But He is also our God. We must see Him as both. A perfect God expects perfection out of His people and He really does demand it. We are commanded to be perfect. But He is also our Father, and has offered a way in which we might be able to become perfected. Often time there may seem like there is no way in which we can become perfect. But I testify along with so many others that Christ makes all the difference. His Grace saves. Through Christ, we can come unto the Father. 

17. Always Back to the PB&J

Here at BYU, I rarely have time to focus on things that I use to take up so much time with back home. At BYU, I always have to be at class, doing my homework, working out, socializing, going to work, or sleeping. There is hardly ever any time for anything else. I found that I barely have enough time for food. I routinely get a Subway footlong every day, using my Employee Meal Card allowing me to eat anywhere on campus for half the price.

One footlong from Subway isn't enough to feed me every day. I'm a pretty big boy, and big boys have to eat! Seeing that I have little time for anything else, I rarely find any time to fix myself a nice, homely meal. Back during the summer semester, I practically lived off of ramen noodles. Shortly before summer semester ended, I ran out. I ran out of my source of food! I had no idea what to do, so I resorted to finishing off all of my cereal so I could delay my decision. I eventually ran out of all my food before I needed an intervention. 

I had to go shopping. I just had to get some groceries. But what in the world did I know how to cook!? Then I realized that I didn't even need to cook anything. The Creamery sold, bread, peanut butter, and jelly. I sure did love me some peanut butter! I decided to try it! Man oh man, I sure did love those toasted PB&J's! I just couldn't ever seem to get enough of them! I devoured my food, going through it like it would go through a garbage disposal. There were even several days which I went through an entire loaf of bread, all for the sake of making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 

I eventually realized that this went through my money faster than it did when I went to Subway daily. I decided that I would have to give up the PB&J's, no matter how much I craved them. So I finished the last of my PB&J supplies, expecting to never give in to the evil temptation again. Little did I know, it would only be three short weeks until I decided to try the PB&J's again. It was a bad idea. I ended up spending over $30 just for the materials to make the sandwiches in less than three days! I realized that I would never be able to escape its temptation. 

Now I'm back to the sandwiches again. I will never escape them, but I will always come back to them. They are just too delicious to ever give up. Even if I wanted to give them up, I wouldn't because they are just too delicious to me. If it weren't for them, I would not have lasted this semester and live to tell the tale. 

16. Silver Lining in the Clouds of Our Storms

Back to the knee injury again. I know I'm writing so much about this event, but it is one event that changed my life forever. Many people grow gradually, but some have one specific event that defines them. It becomes them. This event is the crowning moment of my life. Personally, it was so hard to go through what I went through. It changed the future for me in a way that I could have never foreseen. This one moment was the appropriate activation energy that I needed to push me forward and fix my life. 

I remember once being told that there is something good hidden in even the worst events. For quite the time I didn't see how this could be true. My life was ruined wasn't it? No one could see the blessing in this trial of mine. One day I was going through my physical therapy routines while listening to Elder Holland speaking when I heard him say this:

“Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed.” 

 This really hit home to me. I realized that everything was part of God's plan. He let this happen to me so that I could fully put my trust in Him, knowing that whatever happened, it would be for the best. But then I thought about my mission, which my injury would delay for about 7 months. Why would He want that to happen? Doesn't He need me out there in the mission field? I knew I was ready to go! I was ready to go a whole year before that point. Then I realized that maybe I needed to be even better. Maybe I needed even more knowledge than I already had. 

At this point I realized that I would be allowed to go to a semester and a half of college at BYU before I would go on my mission. This would give me even more time to prepare, learn, and grow as much as I could. I began to push my recovery for my knee. Slowly, I became more independent. I started working out, doing P90X. At first, this took quite the toll on my knee, but I recovered quickly and I pushed forward. I wouldn't give up for anything. 

Now I'm at the point of almost finishing the fall semester at BYU. I have come so far and have changed so much. Most of my recovery has been away from home, which I personally have found very fun. When I visited home a little while ago, my mother could barely recognize my personality because I had changed so much. She told me that she was proud of what I have become, of who I have become. These were the words that I have always wanted to hear from my mother. 

This was the silver lining on my clouds. Sure it took a long time to realize it, but what I had thought was the worst experience of my life, had truly been the best thing of my life. I no longer have to look in a mirror and be ashamed of what I see, but rather I can look and see what my mother sees. She is proud of me, and that is all that matters to me. I have become what she has always wanted me to become, all because of what I had been angry at God for casting upon me. Now, I can always find the silver lining on the clouds of every storm that comes my way. 

15. Lesson Learned

Senior Year of High School is supposed to be the best year of high school. It is time to take it easy and relax from the schoolwork because you already have it all figured out. You have it in the bag so there is nothing to worry about, right? That's how it is for almost everyone. For me, it seemed to be the opposite, but for unexpected reasons.

The first half of my senior year, I wasn't making the greatest choices. I was spending too much time with the wrong people, making some pretty unintelligent things. It went against everything that I knew, everything that I was taught. I was too scared to ever admit it to anyone. Yeah I wanted to be a little bit of a rebel, but I never imagined that it would go as far as it did. I finally admitted all of my mistakes to my parents at the end of the year. As a result, they isolated me from the thing that I cared about most for a month. They took the one thing that I knew would help me most through my trial.

I had to survive the whole month of January all by myself. It was emotionally agonizing. I didn't think I could survive it, but I endured. February, things got much better. I began to have fun again and I was allowed the thing that I wanted most again. I began to treasure it, because living without it was so hard. But then the worst luck happened and I blew out my knee. I was doomed to crutches for the next 88 days. Exercising was my life, more specifically, basketball. I would not be able to live without it for that long.

Every night, I would go to bed angry at God for doing this to me. I remembered a time when I would be dumbfounded when I saw others angry at God, wondering how they could blame and even hate the very being that created them. I was now caught in my own question. I understood it now. Every day, I would have to walk into the school with my two crutches, slipping on almost every step of the way due to the ice and slush that encompassed the winter ground. I could hear the snickers come from the mouths of my classmates as they saw their star basketball player struggle to get to his next class. It was amusing for them! I couldn't believe it! I was furious!

As time went on, I became more and more grateful for my leg that still functioned properly. I began to appreciate everything that had always worked perfectly fine for me. I then realized that I had been so prideful! I was so selfish, demanding answers from my Creator as to why these things happened to me! How could I be so evil? How could I give in to the powerful deceits of the devil? But what I did realize was that I did give in. I told myself then and there that I would never succumb to the devil's temptations again. Never again would I question God because that was one lesson learned that I would never want to learn again.

14. Last Day Ever

People are curious creatures. They always want to know more about something. It could be anything from astronomy to hydrology to anything about another human being. Often, people are curious about the latter thing listed. Recently I was asked the question, "If you only had one day to live, how would you spend it?" I had to think really long and really hard about this question. I wasn't quite sure if I would want to do something extreme, or something soft and quiet. After a couple days of pondering, I finally figured it out. 

If I had 24 hours to live, I would want to live. Yes, that may sound very vague at first, but it is the most descriptive phrase that I can manner to think to say it! I would want to experience everything needed in a life. Not necessarily every experience, such as skydiving, or even making a bon fire, but more mentally. We all have emotions as a part of being human. It's a part of life. I would want to experience every emotion in my last day. 

You may say, "Well what about anger or hatred? Surely you wouldn't want to feel those!" I would reply in agreement. We can truly only know the good emotions that we have, if we have felt the negative side of those same emotions. With love there is hatred. With happiness there is sadness. The way I see it, you can truly only know what it is like to love, if you know what it is like to hate. Maybe not quite hate, as you would see in a movie, where the antagonist wants to beat the protagonist to a pulp, but hate in the manner of being exceedingly jealous or something like that. 

I have already experienced what it is like to be jealous, I have already experienced excruciating pain and sorrow. I know what it is like to fall, and not want to get back up. But it's because of these things that I can know what it is like to have fun, be happy, and love. On my last day, I want to experience every good emotion there is in living. I want to truly live. 

I would start off my day in service for others. I would wander around with a giant smile on my face, trying to make everyone around me smile. I love making people smile and be happy. I have not found much else in life that makes me happier than giving out charity to others. Next, I would go see my family and spend some time with them. I wouldn't necessarily want to do anything with them, but rather I would reminisce with them about past memories, for when a memory is discussed, it is also relived. By doing these two things, I would have experienced every good emotion. Charity, love, happiness, joy, selflessness, gratitude, etc. Those two things encompass my whole life. 

I was once told, "If today was your last day to live, would you be doing what you're doing right now?" This one question has changed my whole life. I no longer spend time wasting my time with trivial matters such as video games, Twitter, or other pointless activities. I now live everyday like I would want to live my last. I can honestly say that if I died right now, I would have no regrets.